How To Keep Calm When Your Ex Acts Bat S^$T Crazy During Your Divorce


No divorce is easy, but some, admittedly, are much harder than others and often the reason is that one soon-to-be-ex-spouse is punishing the other. Maybe they don’t want the divorce, maybe they feel betrayed, or maybe, they’re just hateful in general. Regardless of the reason, if your ex is acting crazy during your divorce, you don’t have to just suffer through it. These tips can help you cope and keep your calm.

1. Acknowledge Your Ex’s Feelings.

We all want to feel heard, and perhaps some of that is driving your ex to act out. No, that doesn’t mean you have to be the figurative punching bag for their anger, shaming, and resentment, but acknowledging their feelings may help diffuse the situation. And taking that moment to listen and stay calm may give you some insight into their actions that can help you during the divorce.

2. Think Before Speaking

It’s natural to want to fight fire with fire so if your ex is saying hurtful, malicious things you may immediately want to come back with the same. But remember this. One, they may be trying to bait you. Two, what you say and/or your reaction could be used against you during the divorce. Instead, zip your lips and count to ten, practice deep breathing, whatever it takes to reset you so you can respond calmly.

3. Set Boundaries

A good way to limit the negativity coming at you from your ex is to limit access. It could be limiting emails or texts except under specific circumstances like visitation for example. It could be limiting in-person meetings unless it’s in a public place or with your lawyers present. Essentially, consider the triggers and situations where your ex is most likely to act out and try to find a way to set boundaries to protect yourself.

4. Keep the Kids Out of It

Of course, if you have children together, they will most definitely be impacted by the divorce. But the idea here is to keep them out of the hostility between you as much as possible. Yes, your ex may be doing the exact opposite; trashing you to them, using them as leverage, etc. But you can be the bigger person and should be an example to your children. That alone will keep you calm and do more to show them the error of your ex’s ways than anything.

5. Find a Healthy Focus

Your divorce may seem like it’s taking over your life, especially when things are hostile. But you don’t have to let it. Make time to take care of yourself. Whether it’s spending time with friends, enjoying a hobby, meditating, journaling, exercising, or target practice (ha!); finding a healthy way to de-stress is key. It WILL help you handle the conflict better.

6. Ask for Help

Now is the time to lean on family and friends, find a support group, consider therapy to stay calm, and/or all of the above. Divorce is mentally and physically taxing in general, but a crazy-acting ex takes it to another level. Don’t ever be ashamed to accept support. It’s not a weakness; it’s actually a strength to reach out!

Bonus Tip: Calming the Crazy with Divorce Mediation


There’s no getting around it, court litigation is innately combative. Someone has to win while the other loses, right? With your hostile ex, you may find divorce mediation to be a more level playing field or at the very least, less confrontational. During this process, you and your ex agree to work with a trained mediator – ideally, one experienced in a high-conflict divorce – who acts as a neutral third party to negotiate a mutual settlement agreement. 

Divorce mediation also saves you time and money and typically offers quicker resolution than court litigation as well. What’s more, you and your ex don’t even have to be in the same room during mediation. Our services are 100 percent virtual which not only gives you more convenience and flexibility, we’ve found that distance can help diffuse the hostility as well!

For more information on online divorce mediation services, contact our experienced team today.

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