One could argue that there’s never really an ideal time to tell your spouse you want a divorce. But is doing so during the holidays extra salt in the wound? Or, once you decide it’s time, should you have that discussion right away regardless of the season? Honestly, the answer really depends on you and your specific situation. But we can help guide you with the pros and cons of telling your spouse you want a divorce during the holiday season.
Pros of Talking Divorce During the Holidays
While telling your spouse you want a divorce during the holidays may add an extra layer of stress and complexity to the season, there are some pros to consider:
You won’t have to fake it – If the relationship has gotten so bad that you have to fake civility, it might be better for your mental health to just go ahead and have the conversation. What’s more, your acting skills may not be as solid as you think, and you might be found out anyway which could make things even more difficult.
You won’t extend the waiting period – Most states have a mandatory waiting period, some up to a year before you can finalize your divorce. Talking to your spouse sooner rather than later helps you to avoid additional delays.
It gets you out of spending the holidays with your in-laws – Ok, ok, so maybe this isn’t the most politically correct pro. But at the same time, if your relationship with your spouse is strained, so might be your relationship with your in-laws, and it may just not be worth it to subject yourself to that.
Cons of Talking Divorce During the Holidays
Naturally, there are also some cons to telling your spouse you want a divorce during the holidays including:
You don’t want to ruin the holidays for the kids – Your kids likely already know that there are problems between you and your spouse, but at the same time you may not want the holidays to be a trigger for one of the biggest changes in their lives going forward.
You don’t want to share the kids over the holidays – If you split right before the holidays and then the kids have to adjust all their family traditions immediately after, it could cause more guilt and anger all around. If you can be civil, waiting may give everyone more time to adjust before the holidays next year.
It’s calmer after the holiday season – The schedules for you, your spouse, and kids over the holiday season are likely bursting at the seams. Beyond just being busy, there’s added stress to attend everything and to get everything done in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If you and your spouse are more on edge than usual, the conversation may be harder, and more confrontational than it might be otherwise.
All this said, if you are in a situation in which you are worried about your safety or that of your children; there aren’t any pros and cons that are more important than putting those needs first.
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