How to Reflect on What Went Wrong and Get Back Out There

The month of February surrounds us with connotations and suggestions of love and romance. For those who have recently gone through a divorce, this might be a difficult time of the year bringing up memories and thoughts on your past relationships.

  • It might be the first year in a long time you’ve spent Valentine’s Day on your own.
  • It might be the first time you’ve started having feelings for anyone other than your ex in a long time.
  • It might be a time of reflection on the previous relationships in your life.

Before you can let go of your past relationship, you need to take a long, hard look at it. Understanding what went wrong is the best way to prevent it from happening again. Was it a breakdown in communication? Was it the loss of passion? Was someone else involved? Did you feel like you lost sight of yourself and your own goals?

Taking stock of how it went down is an important rite of passage. Try to identify what mistakes you were responsible for and what was beyond your own control. Let go of your anger about the situation. What happened, happened.

Now you have an entire future that is a blank canvas for you to paint. Let go of the palette of your life that is confused and angry and fixated on the past. Only then can you begin to paint your own future.

There will come a time when you are ready to start dating again! Congratulations! This is an exciting and adventurous time and our best advice is to take it slow at the start. Make sure that dates aren’t the first social events you throw yourself into post-breakup. Make time for outings with friends and focusing on your own hobbies. Consider trying local support groups for singles. Start to feel complete in your own skin again, and then it might be time to put yourself out there.

Online dating is great, but be careful of scams and liars! Watch out for anyone who seems suspicious – or seems suspiciously too perfect. Remember that you are looking for a new relationship, not just a replacement of your old one.

You may have heard the phrase “Compare and Despair” – it reminds us to look at things on their own merits and not just in comparison to others. Remember that your level of intimacy with someone new will not immediately be at the level it was with your previous partner, so be patient and put work into relationships that you think are ultimately rewarding.

In order to move forward with your future, you first have to understand your past. Taking stock of where you’ve been and what went wrong is the best way to know what you need going forward. When you do start dating again, look for things that are new and excite you. Remember to be patient with yourself and set reasonable expectations.

For help or guidance with any of your divorce or mediation needs, contact Mediated Online Solutions today  – call us at 518.413.1200 or info@mediatedonlinesolutions. We believe in a better way to break up – and a better way to move on.

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