Divorce is certainly one of the hardest things a family can endure but while it may break up the home it doesn’t have to break the relationship between you and your kids. That’s not to say there won’t be cracks—anger, sadness, blame, resentment, fear—especially in the beginning. But there are ways to minimize the damage during the divorce and heal together in a healthy way afterward. In honor of National Family Day this year, here’s how.
Pursuing an Amicable Divorce
Yes, it is possible to have an amicable divorce, although admittedly, in some circumstances it’s easier than others. However, if you can lessen the impact of divorce on your family it’s well worth it to try. While the traditional route to divorce is through litigation, an option such as mediation is an easier, quicker, healthier, and more economical alternative.
While litigation pits you against your spouse, often puts the kids in the middle, and leaves your future in the hands of a stranger in a black robe, mediation levels the playing field, is much less confrontational, and puts you and your soon-to-be-ex in charge of the outcome.
How does mediation work? During the process, a trained mediator acts as a neutral third party to help you resolve issues such as the distribution of assets, child custody, child support, and alimony. The mediator does not decide issues for you both, rather they act as an intermediary to offer opinions, brainstorm solutions, and guide you in communicating and negotiating effectively as you work together towards an amicable agreement.
Healing the Family After Divorce
Of course, regardless of how amicable the divorce is, the family dynamic will change and it will be an adjustment for you all. One that you must recognize will take time and include some bumps along the way. But what’s most important is that you do your best to move yourself and your kids forward in a healthy way. These tips can help.
- Keep the lines of communication open – Even if it’s hard to hear their raw emotions your kids must know they can be open and honest with you. Feeling heard and having their feelings acknowledged goes a long way towards healing and can bring you closer together.
- Spend time together – One of the best ways to help kids cope with divorce is to make the effort to spend quality time with them. Doing so helps them to feel loved, safe, and secure, even if they don’t show it! And you all deserve to have some fun and relaxation as a family now that things are more settled after the divorce.
- Use Consistent Discipline –While it’s tempting to spoil your kids or be more lenient as a “quick fix” to get them smiling, it won’t last. On the other hand, structure and routine can be grounding; again, helping them to feel safe and secure as they adjust to your new normal.
- Empower Your Kids – Kids often feel helpless during a divorce; like they suddenly have no control over their life. However, by teaching them problem-solving skills, conflict resolution, and how to manage thoughts, feelings, and behaviors positively, they’ll not only feel like they’re gaining some power back; it will help them during challenging times throughout their lives.
- Co-Parent Amicably – If you managed to divorce amicably; you must continue the momentum as you co-parent. Disagreements will happen, but if they are handled with respect and maturity, it will help your kids cope with the divorce. And show them a great example as well!
- Get Professional Support –While leaning on family and friends is important, it’s ok to ask for professional support as well for yourself, your kids, and/or the whole family together. Not only is it extremely helpful to join a support group with others who ‘get’ what you (and/or your kids) are going through, but you may also consider seeking out the help of a therapist or family counselor.
Our experienced team offers divorce coaching and mediation. Plus, our services are fully virtual for added flexibility and convenience. Contact us today to learn more! Or, check out the new book, Divorce Like A Pro: A Better Way To Break Up by Debra Whitson, founder of Mediated Online Solutions, here.
