When you break the news to your friends and family that you are getting a divorce, you can bet your bottom dollar that everyone will have an opinion. You’re likely to receive unsolicited advice left and right. All of it will probably be well-intentioned. Some of it will be good and some of it… not so much. In today’s blog post, we’re looking at some bad divorce advice, and discussing why it’s wrong and what you should do instead.
- “You’re taking way too long to move on and start dating again.” or “You’re going on a date already? It’s too soon!”
Despite what some people might tell you, there’s no magic formula that can tell you how long it will take your heart to mend after a divorce. Some people want to move on to new romantic relationships quickly, some want to take their time with it, and others aren’t interested in dating at all, ever again. Every one of these options is okay. Follow your heart — not what you think is expected of you.
- “Don’t waste your money on a lawyer or a therapist. You can handle this yourself.”
There’s nothing wrong with needing help. Divorce is hard! It is wise and mature to build yourself a support system that includes trained professionals, both for the legal side of things and for the upkeep of your mental health. In both of these examples, the money you spend to be proactive typically amounts to less than the money you would spend if you tried handling things on your own, and then made a legal mess that needed to be cleaned up. By that we mean that regular therapy appointments are less expensive than a hospital stay to recover from a psychiatric breakdown, and legal fees to complete a divorce from start to finish are typically less than those you would encounter if you were trying to change a ruling that was decided when you represented yourself.
- “Just stick it out and stay together for the kids.”
Hearing this can cause terrible feelings of guilt. Remember: When you are unhappy, your children know and it rubs off on them, too. It won’t do your children any good to grow up in a household with unhappily married parents. They’ll be much better off growing up in two happy households than one miserable household. It’s amazing how often doing what’s best for your own happiness also ends up being best for your children’s happiness. As with #1, you’ll be well served by letting go of what other people think about this.
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