With the New Year just days away, we’re all thinking about resolutions for 2023. If you’re currently co-parenting with your ex and want to make some changes, now is the perfect time. Not only does the calendar give you an excuse to bring up the topic, but it also serves as an opportunity to start fresh. These tips can help you pre-plan more peacefully for the upcoming year.
Why Peaceful Co-Parenting Is So Important
Divorce is hard for everyone, especially the kids, and certainly, as parents, regardless of the emotions between you and your ex, you both want to make the transition as easy as possible for them. Finding a way to work together respectfully and productively as co-parents can help you do that. In fact, Wake Forest University professor Dr. Linda Nielsen, who reviewed 60 studies on how children of divorce fared when splitting time between parents, found that the benefits of peaceful co-parenting include:
- Better academic outcomes
- Less drug, alcohol, and cigarette use
- Better mental and physical health
- Less early sexual activity and teen pregnancy
- Higher employment and earnings later in life
- Greater likelihood of family stability in their own adulthoods
- Better relationships with parents, step-parents, and grandparents
What’s more, peaceful co-parenting helps increase your child(ren)’s sense of security and reduces stress because it decreases the conflict in their lives. And by modeling effective communication and conflict resolution, you’re teaching them skills that will benefit them both personally and professionally down the road.
Pre-Planning Tips
As you sit down with your ex and have a conversation about the coming year to determine what you want to achieve, avoid, and improve upon in your co-parenting, keep these things in mind:
1. Leave the past behind
Old hurts and resentments will work against you as a co-parent. While you’re certainly entitled to those feelings, do your best to be fully present and focused on what’s best for your child(ren) going forward.
2. Be specific
When it comes to any goal, the more specific and intentional you are, the more likely you are to succeed. So, when it comes to co-parenting tips in the New Year, you might set goals such as not arguing in front of the child(ren), not speaking poorly about each other to the child(ren), or making sure you’re both on time for pick-up/drop-off.
3. Communicate carefully
You should always strive for open, honest, and respectful communication with your ex, but setting boundaries is also important. Yes, you want to have a good relationship as co-parents, but when you get too casual or relaxed, the lines may blur, and old issues may begin to creep up. Boundaries like agreeing to talk only about the child(ren), communicating directly (not through intermediaries), and keeping calls, texts, emails, etc., concise and to the point can help you both stay focused on co-parenting.
4. Practice active listening
You can’t communicate effectively if you don’t listen to each other. If you want to feel understood and heard, then you must practice active listening yourself. To do so, make sure you take turns speaking, think before speaking, listen without interrupting, and take the time to understand what your ex is saying/asking before jumping to conclusions. While these things can be more difficult to put into practice, they are well worth the effort if the result is more peaceful co-parenting.
5. Work together
Just because you may not have been able to successfully work together as a couple doesn’t mean it’s a hopeless endeavor as co-parents. The reason? Your child(ren) is the focus! Not your issues with each other. As such, commit to making key parenting decisions together like education, health, religion, scheduling, and rules like screentime, curfew, etc. Doing so as part of your pre-planning for 2023 will head off many in-the-moment disagreements and misunderstandings. And let your child(ren) know you and your ex are a united front, so they don’t try to pit you against each other!
6. Determine how you will resolve conflicts
Again, this is another area where it’s important to pre-plan. You WILL have differing viewpoints at times, but compromise is a must when co-parenting. If you don’t, your child(ren) will be affected the most! So, come up with some constructive ways to address disputes ahead of time. However, keep in mind that if you simply can’t come together on your own, mediation, in which a neutral third party helps you to reach an amicable solution, is always an option.
For additional co-parenting tips, support and guidance, we can help. Our experienced team offers virtual coaching and mediation services. Contact us today to learn more or for a free consultation.
