New year, now co-parenting you? As we reflect on the past year and plan for the next, most of us go through a similar checklist. Am I doing enough for my health? Am I where I want to be professionally? Am I where I want to be personally? And for those of us who are divorced with kids: Have I been the best co-parent I could be? Whether the answer is no, or an emphatic yes, these tips are valuable in 2022 goal setting with your co-parent copilot.
The Benefits of Copacetic Co-Parenting
It goes without saying that divorce is hard, especially for the kids. While you no doubt have their best interests at heart, it’s all too common to get unintentionally sucked back into those old emotions and frustrations when it comes to co-parenting with your ex. However, according to the Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family Science, successful co-parenting partnerships have benefits that include:
- Kids with fewer behavior problems
- Increased likelihood of the kids being close to the father as well as the mother
Successful co-parenting partnerships also increase their sense of security and reduce stress because it decreases the conflict in the lives of your kids. What’s more, by modeling effective communication and conflict resolution, you’re teaching them skills that will benefit them throughout their lives both personally and professionally.
Tips for 2022 Goal Setting with Your Co-Parent
While each family’s goals may be different, we recommend the path that you take to create and achieve them include these tips:
- Leave the past behind – It’s easier said than done, we get it. But those old hurts and resentments will just work against you as a co-parent. Not to say you aren’t entitled to your feelings, you are! Just do your best to be fully present and focused on your kids, instead of stuck in the past because you can’t rewrite it.
- Communicate carefully – You should always be respectful in your communications with your ex, but at the same time it’s important to set boundaries. Things like agreeing to talk only about the kids, communicating directly (not through intermediaries), and keeping calls, texts, emails, etc. concise and to the point. Often, it’s when you get too relaxed or casual that things get misinterpreted, you begin to overshare, old issues creep up, and you lose focus as co-parents.
- Actively listen – It’s impossible to communicate effectively if you don’t listen to each other. If you want to feel understood and heard, then start by actively listening, yourself. Simple things like taking turns speaking, not interrupting your ex, thinking before you speak, and making sure you take the time to understand what they are saying/asking before jumping to conclusions go a long way.
- Work together – You’re probably thinking, yeah right. If we couldn’t work together while we were married, why would we be able to do so now? There’s a very good reason: your kids! They are the focus now; not your issues with each other. Commit to conferring with each other on decisions regarding education, health, religion, scheduling, and rules like screentime, curfew, etc. Doing so as part of planning your 2022 goals will head off so many of those in-the-moment disagreements and misunderstandings.
- Compromise – Again, this may not have been a strong suit between you and your ex either. In fact, your differing viewpoints on important issues may have very well played a factor in your divorce. But the reality is, compromise is a must when you’re co-parenting. If you don’t the ones who will be hurt the most are your kids! But if you simply can’t come together on your own, it might be time to consider mediation in which a neutral third party helps you to reach an amicable solution.
For additional support and guidance in 2022 goal setting with your co-parent, we can help. Our experienced team offers fully virtual coaching and mediation services. Contact us today to learn more or for a free consultation.
